Most fantasy conversations fail for the same reason: someone has to say the thing out loud first, with no idea how it'll land. A list fixes that. You both read the same options, mark them privately, and the list does the asking.
Below are 66 fantasies sorted into six families and marked by heat. Read it through, mark yours, then compare. The method at the end is the part that actually matters.
How to Use This List
Do it as a Yes / No / Maybe:
- You each go through all 66 separately, marking every one Yes (up for it), No (not for me), or Maybe (curious, or would need conditions).
- Compare only the Yes and Maybe columns. You never look at each other's Nos and never ask about them.
- Anything you both marked Yes goes on the shortlist. Anything one of you marked Yes and the other Maybe goes on a "talk about it" list.
The no-questions-about-a-No rule is the whole trick. If a No has to be defended, people stop being honest about their Yeses, and then the exercise is worthless.
Heat labels below match the four levels used across our couple games: Sweet, Flirty, Spicy, Extreme.
Romantic (8)
The ones that get skipped in lists like this and are, in practice, the most frequently wanted.
| Fantasy | Heat |
|---|---|
| Candlelight nights — no overhead lights, no screens, one whole evening | Sweet |
| Slow dancing to music — in the kitchen, fully dressed, for one song | Sweet |
| Love letters and notes — written down, left somewhere they'll find it | Sweet |
| Morning intimacy — unhurried, before either of you has spoken to anyone | Flirty |
| A bath or shower together — washing each other, no destination | Flirty |
| Picnic romance — outdoors, somewhere with no one else around | Sweet |
| Surprise dates — one of you plans everything, the other finds out on the night | Sweet |
| Eye contact and presence — a set amount of time, just looking at each other | Flirty |
Playful and Teasing (10)
Anticipation-led. Most of these happen with your clothes on, or across a distance.
| Fantasy | Heat |
|---|---|
| Dirty texts — a thread that builds all day and doesn't resolve until you're home | Flirty |
| Outfit control — one of you chooses what the other wears, including underneath | Flirty |
| Strip tease — one performs, one is not allowed to touch | Spicy |
| Photo dares — a requested photo, on your terms, deleted or kept by agreement | Flirty |
| Voice notes — saying the thing out loud that you'd never type | Flirty |
| Almost caught — the edge of a public place, nothing that would actually be seen | Spicy |
| Playful commands — one of you gives instructions for an hour, the other follows | Spicy |
| Light blindfold — one sense removed, everything else sharpened | Spicy |
| Video call — for couples apart, or couples who just like being watched | Spicy |
| Nudes and sexting — agreed in advance, on devices you both trust | Spicy |
Classic Spicy (12)
The physical list. No costume required.
| Fantasy | Heat |
|---|---|
| Massage oil — a proper long one, with no expectation attached | Spicy |
| Shower or bath — the logistics are worse than everyone admits, and it's still on every list | Spicy |
| Against the wall — urgency, standing up, not making it to anywhere comfortable | Spicy |
| Morning sex — before alarms, before conversation | Spicy |
| Oral focus — an evening where that's the entire agenda for one of you | Spicy |
| Toys, as an introduction — bought together rather than produced as a surprise | Spicy |
| Mirror play — watching, rather than only feeling | Spicy |
| Edging and denial, lightly — stopping just before, more than once | Extreme |
| Anal play — slowly, with everything it requires talked about first | Extreme |
| Rough or primal — agreed in advance, with a stop word, every time | Extreme |
| Public risk and quickies — a car, a stairwell, a locked bathroom at a party | Spicy |
| Filming each other — only on devices you control, deleted together or not at all | Extreme |
Power and Kink-Lite (10)
Handing over control, or taking it, for a defined period. Everything here needs a stop word.
| Fantasy | Heat |
|---|---|
| Light bondage — a tie, a scarf, wrists only, quick-release always | Spicy |
| Dom / sub, lightly — one leads for an agreed window, the other follows | Spicy |
| Praise kink — being told, out loud and specifically, that you're doing well | Spicy |
| Degradation, lightly — language agreed on beforehand, word for word | Extreme |
| Spanking — a hand, a count, a signal to stop | Spicy |
| Ice and temperature — cold, warm, and the gap between them | Spicy |
| Sensory play — feathers, silk, breath, texture; nothing that leaves a mark | Spicy |
| Commands and obedience — instructions given plainly, followed exactly | Extreme |
| Collar or ownership, lite — a symbol worn for an evening | Extreme |
| Impact play, light — beyond a hand, and only with real research first | Extreme |
Roleplay (10)
Other people, other settings. Our couple fantasy games guide has these written out as full scenes with opening lines.
| Fantasy | Heat |
|---|---|
| Strangers at a bar — arrive separately, new names, earn the conversation | Flirty |
| Boss and employee — a performance review that stays formal for as long as possible | Spicy |
| Hotel strangers — a room, a departure time, no phone numbers | Spicy |
| Vacation fling — met four hours ago, nobody knows anyone's surname | Flirty |
| Photographer and model — one directs, one is looked at | Spicy |
| Celebrity and fan — deliberately silly, which is why it works for beginners | Flirty |
| Teacher and student (adults only) — the tutorial that overruns | Spicy |
| Bodyguard and client — proximity and enforced restraint | Spicy |
| Doctor and patient (adults only) — a very thorough examination | Spicy |
| Masked stranger — no names, no faces, no talking | Spicy |
Group and Open Play (16)
The most fantasised-about family on the list and the least acted on, which is worth knowing before either of you reads anything into a Yes here. A Yes on this list means "I think about it", not "I want to book it".
| Fantasy | Heat |
|---|---|
| Threesome (any configuration) — the fantasy in its most general form | Extreme |
| Threesome, MMF | Extreme |
| Threesome, FFM | Extreme |
| Foursome with another couple | Extreme |
| Couple swapping | Extreme |
| A swingers party — attending, with no obligation to participate | Extreme |
| Club or play party — the atmosphere, more than the activity | Extreme |
| Hotwife / hotbae — one partner with someone else, with the other's blessing | Extreme |
| Cuckold or watching, light — the watching partner as the point of it | Extreme |
| Watching or being watched — by each other, or by someone else | Extreme |
| Exhibitionism — being seen, on purpose, somewhere it's permitted | Extreme |
| Nude beach or resort — the softest entry point in this whole family | Spicy |
| Orgy or group scene | Extreme |
| A third in the same room — present, whether or not involved | Extreme |
| Soft swap — kissing and touching only, boundaries fixed in advance | Spicy |
| Full swap | Extreme |
If anything in this section is a shared Yes or Maybe, read how couples actually talk about the threesome fantasy before you do anything else. The conversation is genuinely harder than the logistics, and doing it badly is how couples get hurt.
What to Do With Your Shared List
Start with the easiest Yes, not the most exciting one. The first thing you try should be almost guaranteed to go well, because its job is to prove that the process works. Save the big Maybe for the third or fourth attempt, once you both trust that a bad night just gets talked about rather than sulked about.
Treat Maybes as conditional, not weak. Most Maybes are actually a Yes with a condition attached — not on a weeknight, not sober, not if it's filmed, not until we've talked about X. Ask what the condition is. Half of them turn out to be easy to meet.
Expect an uneven list. Almost nobody comes out of this with matching columns. A handful of shared Yeses is a good outcome. Several things one of you loves and the other doesn't is the normal result, not a compatibility problem.
Fantasy is not a to-do list. A Yes means "I like thinking about this." Plenty of Yeses are best left exactly where they are, and saying so out loud is worth doing so nobody feels quietly obliged.
Redo it in six to twelve months. Maybes move, especially after you've tried a few things.
Games That Do the Asking For You
If writing lists together isn't your style, these surface the same information sideways:
- Fantasy Cinema — 13 scripted stories that follow a numbered sequence of steps, tagged by heat so you pick before you commit. Free with an account.
- Spicy Truth or Dare — 55 spicy and 165 extreme truths. The truths do more fantasy-discovery work than the dares.
- Never Have I Ever: After Dark — 181 statements. A confession game that maps someone's history rather than their wishlist.
- Daring Flirty Questions — talk-only, six escalating decks, works over text across a whole day.
- Would You Rather: Spicy — 82 dilemma pairs, and the safest possible way to find out where someone leans.
Frequently Asked Questions
How do you use a fantasy list with your partner? Yes / No / Maybe, filled in privately, comparing only the Yes and Maybe columns. Nothing marked No ever gets discussed — that rule is what makes people honest.
Is it normal to have fantasies your partner doesn't share? Yes, and it's the usual outcome. A handful of shared Yeses is a good result. A fantasy that stays a fantasy isn't a failure.
What are the most common fantasies for couples? Roleplay and playing strangers, light power exchange, watching or being watched, and group scenarios. The soft end — candlelight, long massages, being undressed slowly — is just as common and gets talked about less.
What if my partner says no to something I really want? Take it as final, then work out what specifically appealed to you — control, novelty, being watched, being wanted. There's usually a milder version of that appeal elsewhere on the list.
How often should we redo the list? Every six to twelve months. Maybes move.
Where do we start? The easiest shared Yes, not the most exciting one.
More Ways to Turn Up the Heat
- Couple Fantasy Games: 12 Roleplay Scenarios — the roleplay section, written out as full scenes
- The Threesome Fantasy — before you act on anything in the group section
- Hot Couple Games — 15 spicy games, online and off
- How to Talk About Intimacy — if starting the conversation is the hard part
- 75 Spicy Questions for Couples — the shorter, conversational version of this list
- 30 Intimacy Exercises for Couples — for the romantic column
Want a new prompt, question, or dare waiting for you both every day? Lovebae sends one daily — join the waitlist and get early access.
